What would the Martians say?

Wednesday, August 24, 2005

RELIVE THOSE DIRTY WEEKENDS

I have just received an e-mail from the Hilton Hotels Corporation marketing people saying its amenities are now for sale.

At first I thought it was a subtle attempt to get me to pay for all those miniature bars of soap I have walked away at Hiltons from Arrhus to Zurich over the years – but this was a bigger deal.

For the first time in its 80-year history, the hotel chain is making its custom-designed, in-room items available for purchase, offering guests “the opportunity to re-create the experience of a Hilton guestroom at home” – they threw in the word ‘luxury’, but they would, wouldn’t they.

According to the guys at Hilton, the new Hilton to Home programme (which has been trade-marked) provides “a vehicle for consumers to purchase, via the Internet and printed in-room collateral, plush Hilton guestroom items, including the ultra-comfortable Hilton Suite Dreams mattress and box spring, luxury Hilton Serenity Collection bedding items, the Crabtree & Evelyn La Source bath product line and the exclusive Hilton Family clock radio."

Are you getting excited about all this? Jeffrey Diskin, the senior vice president of brand management and marketing for Hilton obviously is. This is what he has to say about it all:

"Our guests enjoy pampering themselves with superior amenities during their stay and they often enquire about how they can purchase their favourite in-room items, be it the pillows, bedding, or even the bathrobe. Now for the first time, we are providing our customers the chance to indulge in our guestroom experience in the comfort of their own homes."

Want to relive that wet night in Aberdeen, when the room service got the order wrong, or that dirty weekend in Paris, or Vienna? Or maybe you want to live the hotel life and throw towels on the bathroom floor after a single use.

Hilton will make your dreams come true: just get your credit card ready, go to the new Hilton at Home website for complete product details and pricing information -- and before you you can say Conrad (or Paris) Hilton you can be refurnishing your home -- and, hey, here's an idea: you could also be half way to opening your own Hilton-style bed-and-breakfast in Billericay, Little Rock, or Wollongong.

There may be a downside to all this: I can imagine phoning a Hilton at some stage to make a reservation, only to be told that the room is available, but it’s unfurnished as there has been a run on beds and wardrobes.

Meanwhile, there are unconfirmed reports that Ikea is going into the hotel business: check in, pick up your flat pack and off you go to your room.