LACK OF COMMUNICATION

Have you noticed that the more advanced we become with communications systems, the less we actually communicate. Make a phone call, and you get a voicemail. Send an e-mail and you get an automated response – maybe something like this:

* You are receiving this automatic notification because I am out of the office. If I was in, chances are you would not have received anything at all.

* I will be unable to delete all the unread emails you send me until I return from vacation on 20/9. Please be patient. Your email will be deleted in the order it was received.

* Thank you for your e-mail. Your credit card has been charged $5.99 for the first 10 words, and $1.99 for each additional word. Ask now about our special attachment opening rate.

* The e-mail server is unable to verify your server connections and is therefore unable to deliver this message. Please reinstall your version of Microsoft Windows and start again.

* Thanks for your e-mail, which has been placed in the queuing system. You are currently 351 in place and should receive and answer within 6 weeks. If your message is urgent, please contact me by telephone and leave a message on my voicemail.

* I will be out of the office from 16/09 until 23/10 for medical reasons. As from 24/10 please address your messages to me as Kate instead of Ken.

And as far as voicemails are concerned, my favourite is still:

“Hallo, this is Krishna Kelly the mind reader. I am unable to take your call right now. Do not leave a message. I know what it’s about.”